Leaving the nest.

Okay, so. My brother and is girlfreind moved to Dallas to go to JobCorp. They told me all about it. it sounds so great. They pay you to go to school! I mean, that's awesome! Who doesnt want to get paid for going to school? It would be goos for me. High school just is not going well and it's to much bullshit. I'm fed up. So, I got to thinking about it and I want to join JobCorp. It's a great idea. Everthing's free. Everything. I don't have money and neither does my parents so I want to take up any oppurtunity that pats for every single thing.  What i'm geting at is I live with  my mom. My two brothers have moves out and my mom is divorced. So if I leave it seems my mom will be alone. That's sad and makes me feel bad. But I have to do what's best for me. ?right? It's going to break her heart. But she would be selfish to make me feel bad for wanting to do somthing with my life. I will always be close with my mom and I will come home every weekend. I can't help to think about what kind of daughter leaves her mom alone with nothing but three cats? but, she won't be alone. she has her parents and freinds. I really wish she could find a good man to marrie so I would'nt feel so bad about this. what do I do???????

It's so complicated.

There's this guy that was in my life but is currantly not. His name is Devon Cummings. My ex boyfreind. we were dating for 4 monthes going on five. we dated befrore then too. The second time we strted to date and feel deeply in love. He was my everything, and I was his. We disagreed alot and if I could go back or have another chance I would do things so much differently. He made me feel amazing, like I have never felt before. I loved and still do love every single thing about that boy. Inside and out. Of course he has flaws but who doesnt? I accept everything about him. good and bad. We were so in love we wanted to get pregant. Even though i was sixteen and he was seventeen. it didnt matter.Having somthing so precious that we made together would be totally worthit all. We could do it, it would be so hard but we could do it. Sadly, it didnt work. I broke my heart. because even though I would have plenty of time to get pregant I wanted to be pregant right then. I cryed when the test came up negative. I guess it just was'nt meant to be. (or is it?) Anyways,our relationship was kindof difficult. One day I texted him and asked him if he nwould get angry if I wrote my freind John in jail. He said go ahead im going to do it anyways. I was like WTF? We got into an argument, a big ordeal and after it we didnt talk for about two weeks.I asked him back and he said he couldnt because he got with his ex that is fucking trash btw. He left me behind with no closure or anything. He just took that bitch back. He likes to play with my head too. ugh. but I still want him. I want him to be mine again so things can be differnt and so much better than our last relationship. He wont take me back. he says he doesnt love me anymore. My heart is broken. But I cant give up. You love somthing and you want it that bad you go for it untill you get it. I gotta have him. I love you Devon Lee Cummings. Forever.

new to blogging.

this is my first blogger ever. i think it's going to be good because i like to tell about my life because it's pretty interesting. lol i'll be blogging alot so be prepared to see my name alot. :)